Disclaimer: I don't own the any of these characters.
Notes: Ok this chapter is a little silly. But, hey! Slayers is a little silly.
Suggestions, corrections, and criticisms are welcome!
Thanks to Chibi Ophelia, Jody and Zelas_ar for suggestions, to Chibi Filia Ul Copt for information, and to Jheind and Trunkenbold (Chuck) for proofreading.
Amelia gazed on the happy couple, her eyes glowing. "Isn't that beautiful! Life is wonderful! This just proves that you should never give up on true love! It makes me want to sing!"
"Amelia, please! Not you too." Xelloss gasped, looking green.
"Stop it!" Filia threw her flowers at Amelia, "You know what effect that has on him!"
Amelia was now too exited to pay any attention, "Yay! I'm going to be a bride!" she yelled dancing around Zelgadis and waving the bouquet she had caught. Zel sweatdropped and blushed slightly.
"Huh?" Filia asked, confused.
"I guess we'd better find out who the groom will be. I've been waiting to get a closer look at that garter!" Xelloss leered as he reached for Filia's skirt.
"HENTAI!!! What do you think you're doing?" Filia slapped him, holding her skirt down.
"Itai! What was that for?" Xelloss whined.
"Hands off, Namagomi!"
"But, Filia!" Amelia protested, "It's a tradition."
"What is?" Filia asked.
"Haven't you ever heard of throwing a garter before? It's traditional at a wedding. The man who catches it will be the next groom." Amelia explained.
"Apparently it's not a tradition among the Ryuzoku." Xelloss observed.
"Filia, you've already thrown the flowers. Now you have to throw the garter to complete the tradition." Amelia pleaded.
"Zelgadis, get back here!" Xelloss yelled at the chimera who was trying to sneak away.
Zel reluctantly came back to stand with the small group that had gathered, but something in his pose indicated he really wasn't quite as reluctant as he pretended to be.
Xelloss grinned and turned back to Filia to retrieve the now infamous garter. Filia looked around nervously as if she was trying to find a way to escape, but instead she saw Lina cheerfully offering her a chair.
"Why don't you sit down, Filia?" Lina offered. Filia sat down in defeat. Lina was actually beginning to enjoy herself. Those two certainly deserve each other.
Xelloss reached for Filia's skirt but she glared at him and carefully arranged her skirt to show only the absolute minimum amount of leg. It was still far too much and Filia found herself turning red as Xelloss removed her mace and handed it to her. She snatched her mace-sama and seriously considered using it to beat him with. Xelloss then went for the garter. He started sliding it slowly down her leg to make the absolute most of the embarrassment opportunity. Filia could feel her face heating up. She didn't even want to think about how his touch made her feel, so she smacked him with her mace instead. "Hurry up, Namagomi!"
"Of course Filia-chan. I forgot how impatient you are for the honeymoon." Xelloss replied smugly as he removed the garter. He hefted it gently noticing how heavy it was. "Filia, what is this? An iron garter to hold up an iron mace." Filia blushed furiously and clutched mace-sama tighter.
Without opening his eyes Xelloss threw the garter straight at Zelgadis' face. Zel's eyes were open wide enough for both of them as he tried to duck the heavy projectile. He was not quite quick enough and instead of missing the garter clanked into his head becoming lodged in his wiry hair. Then Zelgadis was hit by another flying object as Amelia flung herself at him. "Zelgadis-san!!!!"
"Damn it, Xelloss! Why did you do... that...?" Zelgadis' yell trailed off as he collapsed. That garter was a LOT heavier than it looked!
"Zelgadis-san?" Amelia asked, concerned.
"Ah ha ha ha! You can never escape ME, Lina Inverse!" an annoyingly familiar voice interrupted. "See Lina! Everyone will get married before you! Lina Inverse the Old Maid!"
"Martina!!! What are you doing here?!?" Lina exclaimed.
"Ah, Martina, Zangulas! I'm glad you could make it. Too bad you missed the wedding. It was most memorable. But you're more than welcome to join in the party!" Xelloss said.
"I should have known." Lina mumbled, "I bet he invited them just to annoy me."
"Ha ha ha! By the curse of the Monstrous Zoalmagustar even the demons and the dragons will make peace and get married before you can ever find a husband!"
"Martina, it's already happened. That's not much of a curse." Lina sweatdropped. I wonder how long the peace part will last. I can never tell if Xelloss and Filia are fighting or flirting, but either way it's usually destructive.
"You see! By the power of the Monstrous Zoalmagustar it comes true! Ah ha ha ha." Martina held up one of her talismans.
Zangulas sighed and then looked at Gourry. "Gourry, Do you want to duel?"
"Well, I lost my sword..."
"AARRG!! Xelloss! I've had enough of this! I want my food NOW!" Lina demanded.
"Alright." Xelloss said.
"YEAH!!!!!!!!!! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!!!!!!!!!" Lina and Gourry made a dash for the table and Xelloss waited until just after they smashed into the barrier before letting it down.
"Xelloss!" Lina started, but then she smelled the food and ran to dig in before Gourry ate it all. Neither of them noticed Xelloss' smile as they devoured the mountain of food, nor did they notice that Xelloss had spiked the punch. And the food. And especially the coffee.
Lina and Gourry attacked the food with their regular abandon devouring everything in sight at a pace that defied the very laws of physical. Amelia paused just long enough to wake Zelgadis, and assure there was no permanent harm to her future husband, before joining into the fray. Zelgadis rubbed his head, and gave Xelloss a dirty look, before getting himself a cup of coffee to sip while he watched. Zelas immediately found a glass of wine to toast to her son's wedding. And toast to her new daughter in law, and then toast to everything else she could think of before she lost track and drank the whole bottle in a general toast to everything.
Xelloss took a short break to return Saichuro to his temple and set a timed release on the chains to keep him from causing any additional trouble.
When Xelloss returned he found a thoroughly entertaining scene! He smiled as he observed the results of his work. Maybe this will teach Lina not to coerce a Mazoku. Lina and Gourry had finally eaten their fill and were now drunkenly draped against each other. Lina was happily mumbling something about big, stupid men. But Xelloss didn't think it would last long because Gourry seemed to have gotten it in his head that he just hadn't looked hard enough for Lina's breasts.
"AAAHHH!!! FIREBALL! What do you think you're doing?! That will teach you to take advantage of inno.. *hic* .. innocent girls!" Lina shook her fist at a very toasty Gourry.
Over there Zelgadis was trying to teach Amelia some sort of dance. Only Amelia kept tripping and falling against him causing him to blush profusely. Hmm. Maybe I needed a little more kick in that coffee. Those two are acting almost normal. Wait... Ah, Zel's balance is a little off! Xelloss noticed just before Amelia tripped again sending the two of them into a hopeless heap. They tried to untangle themselves but Zel only managed to get halfway up before Amelia unbalanced him again, and he fell back on top of her. In a rather compromising position. Suddenly Zelgadis blurted out "Amelia, I never noticed how... soft you are."
Xelloss burst out laughing. He was definitely drunk! If the chimera didn't remember this in the morning then Xelloss would be glad to remind him. Xelloss tried to recompose himself as he looked around to see where Filia had gotten to. Then he saw her in a corner looking completely sober and chatting merrily with the worst of all possible people.
"This reminds me of the time I slipped some especially potent additives into Xel-kun's evening tea." Zelas was, rather drunkenly, recounting one of the more embarrassing moments in Xelloss' life. "He had been practicing his favorite recipe in spite of my warnings never to do that on MY island. Well, the fumes of it had all but killed off my best herd of game deer and I wanted to teach him a bit of a lesson. So he comes in wearing his favorite pink pajamas with those disgustingly cute little dragons all over.."
"Pink pajamas? With dragons?" Filia laughed.
"You should SEE them! All of the dark lords and their servants have! You see after drinking that tea he somehow got the idea that..."
"Ah, Filia-chan, there you are! And Zelas-sama! I've been looking all over for you." Xelloss interrupted.
"Xelloss! Why don't you tell Filia-chan about that time you..."
"Some other time. Yare, yare. Just look at the time! Don't you think it's time we got to bed, Filia-chan? We have a busy night ahead of us!" Filia gasped as Xelloss put his arm around her waist.
"Wait. Do you have a minute before you go?" Zelas asked.
"Of course Juu-Ou sama. What can I do for you?"
"I have a little job for you. Don't worry. It won't have to interrupt your honeymoon. Whenever you get little free time you can work on it.
"Just tell me what it is, master." Xelloss bowed.
"It's not much." Zelas ginned very evilly, and Xelloss looked up nervously. "I just want you to write a report for me."
"Eh?" Xelloss asked.
"Yes, I want you to study morning glories. And write a report on them!" (1) Zelas broke out laughing at the look on Xelloss' face "Did you honestly think I didn't know? Now I want to see that report within one week. It's already late you know since you were supposed to write it before you married dear Filia." Zelas faded from view laughing at her own joke.
Notes:
(1) This was from the episode with the marriage balls (Episode 11). It wasn't translated the same in all of tapes, but according to the fansubs Xelloss and Filia both protest when they are paired up and then Xelloss said "If I were to be paired with Filia for life I would rather study morning glories. And write a report on them!" as he disappeared. Note! Wanna see the report Xelloss tried to submit?
Final Ramblings:
Do Xelloss and Filia's fights seem like a game to anyone else? Then who won? Filia and Xelloss certainly played a close game, though I'm not sure even they know the rules. Here's how I'd score it:
Chapter 1: Filia
Chapter 2: Xelloss
Chapter 3: Xelloss
Chapter 4: Filia
Chapter 5: Filia
Chapter 6: Filia
Chapter 7: Xelloss
It looks like 4-3 for Filia. Maybe I'd better write a Chapter 8 to even things out! I think we can safely assume that Xelloss will score during the honeymoon! he he
Cut to ending credits (This is kind of random, but the song just seems so appropriate for Namagomi, uh Xelloss. They even have the same name!)
Crush
By Garbage
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine
I would cry for you
I would cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears, I'm drowning on fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talkin'
You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missin'
Throw away all the pain that I'm livin'
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you,
Take the cross for you
Make me a part of you
Because I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you