Disclaimer: I don’t own the any of these characters.
Suggestions, corrections, and criticisms are welcome! Please send comments to:
elffromspace@yahoo.com
Thanks to Jhiend for proofreading, and to the Demon and Dragon Mailing List for nagging me to write it. Steph and Nite, your work helped inspire me to get back to work. Dralore, Simone and Mari-Mac, thanks for putting up with me while writing it.
There are some sights that one simply expects to see when Lina Inverse is near. One of those is large explosions and massive amounts of destruction. A close second is the spectacle of Lina and company sitting in a restaurant, where they are invariably stuffing food into their mouths at a rate that defies explanation. In the current instance Lina, Gourry and Amelia were busy fighting over various pieces of fried chicken while Zelgadis watched with a cup of coffee. During his travels with Lina and her companions he had become much more tolerant of their eating antics, but today he just wasn't in the mood. For one thing, his coffee was cold. He tried to get the waitress' attention to bring him a new cup, but she was busy trying to keep the food coming fast enough to avoid a Fireball, and didn't notice him. His mood was further darkened by the fact that this was the third AllYouCanEat restaurant they had traveled to in a week, without any mention being made of their quest. Just then a meatball was sent flying by Lina and Gourry's fight over the roast beef. The meatball hit Zelgadis square between the eyes leaving a patch of marinara sauce to decorate his face.
"LINA, GOURY!!" Zel exclaimed in exasperation. "Would it be too much to ask for you to contain the flying meatballs to your half of the table?"
"I'm sorry." Lina said in her best I'm-too-cute-for-you-to-stay-angry-with-me voice.
Zelgadis sighed "What are we doing here anyway? No, that's obviously a stupid question. You're eating." Zelgadis staved of responses as Amelia attempted to reply. "But what about our mission? My understanding when we set out was that we are looking for three things: A new sword for Gourry, a safer alternative to the Giga-slave, and MY CURE! Instead our route had been taking us to every restaurant in the kingdom!!!"
Lina took a big drink to clear her throat before replying. "Ok Zel, Let's think about this logically. We don't know where any of those things are, do we?"
"No..." Zel replied cautiously.
"So they could be anywhere. You never know, we might find your cure in the place we least expect. It could even be in an ... AllYouCanEat restaurant!" Lina exclaimed then dove back into the food fight.
Zelgadis facefaulted onto the table, unable to even respond to that one.
"Impressive!"
Zelgadis heard clapping behind him and got a sinking feeling as to who had just appeared.
"I see you haven't lost any of your debating skills, Lina-san."
Xelloss. It was definitely Xelloss. Zel pried his head up from the table and turned only to have his fears confirmed.
"Xelloss-san!" Amelia was as cheerful as ever in her greeting to the demon and general trouble-maker. "It's been months! Where is Filia-san? We haven't seen you since the wedding! I'm so happy for you two! How is everything? Is the pottery shop doing well? It's so nice of you to help her out with Val's egg..." Amelia gushed.
Xelloss sweatdropped. Amelia's cheerfulness was potent enough to make even his everlasting smile fade.
Lina decided to have mercy on the poor mazoku and cut Amelia off. "It has been a while Xelloss. So, what are you doing here? It's not some new mission is it?"
"That is a secret!" Xelloss smiled.
"I should have known." Lina sighed, "Okay, then, where is Filia? Will she be coming too?"
"Oh, she's probably making some more pottery or rearranging the blankets around Val's egg or something."
Xelloss waved his hand in dismissal, but something in his tone made Lina smile. So marriage isn't quite what the trickster priest expected? Serves him right. "What makes you think she would come anyway? We may be married now, but that doesn't mean I can't do things on my own." Xelloss continued.
"Xelloss!" There was another flash and the very dragon under discussion appeared beside her husband. "Could you help me... Oh, hello everyone! Xelloss! What are you doing visiting our friends without telling me? Didn't it occur to you that I might like to visit too?"
"Filia!" Xelloss replied in what sounded almost like a whine, "Why do you keep following me everywhere?! I'm supposed to be working!"
"So this visit does have something to do with the Beastmaster. Just great!" Lina grumbled, "There goes my goal for the year: NOT to get involved with any more mazoku lords..."
Filia ignored Lina's complaints and glared back at her husband. "It shouldn't bother you. Unless you're hiding something from me..." Filia glared at Xelloss but he just stood there, a far too innocent expression on his face. "You should have thought about this before you asked me to marry you. Everyone knows the marriage ceremony creates a link between the mates. It makes perfect sense to be able to find your mate no matter where they go." Filia grinned almost evilly as she continued. The mazoku's influence on her seemed to be showing. "I wasn't spying on you. I just needed a little help getting some vases out of the kiln."
This seemed to send Xelloss over the edge, "Just because I am your husband does NOT mean I am going to play your servant and put your pottery in and out of the oven!"
Lina facefaulted at the familiar display of childishness between the two. "They haven't changed at all, have they?"
"How was I supposed to know about that bond? Some deceitful Dragon forgot to tell me!" Xelloss had completely forgotten everyone else to yell at Filia.
Gourry now noticed the raised voices and finally looked up from his food "Oy! What's going on? Ah, I get it! Xelloss and Filia are back!" he concluded, in what, for him, was a brilliant deduction.
"Who are you calling deceitful?!? YOU tricked ME into that contest! It's not my fault we're in this position! All I wanted was a little help!" Filia yelled back.
Zelgadis sighed and looked for a place to hide "No, they haven't changed at all... You'd think they could at least come up with new arguments!"
"I don't believe your story for a second. You don't want help, you just want to spy on me! I see now, it's okay for ryuzoku to lie when they don't want to admit what they're doing..." Xelloss was twitching in anger but he had leaned in so close to Filia it almost looked like they were about to kiss.
"Filia!!" Amelia tried without success to catch Filia's attention so she could greet her friend. "They haven't seen us for months and they are still more interested in fighting than saying hello... "
"Do you know why I'm back watching this bunch instead of being assigned to a real mission?!? Because of that stunt you pulled appearing in the middle of my debriefing last week! How can Zelas trust me with her secret missions when there's a dragon following me everywhere I go?!?!"
"So they did find something new to fight about." Lina laughed at the image of Filia appearing in the middle Wolfpack Island, but then she stopped. "What do you mean we're not a 'real mission?!?!?!'"
"Some husband you are! You think you can stop by every night and have your way, but you're ashamed to even be seen with me during the day! Is it too much to ask for a little help now and then?" Filia too was leaning suspiciously close to Xelloss so she could yell right in his face.
Zelgadis looked away disgusted. "You'd think they could find somewhere else to flirt! If they kiss I'm leaving."
"You didn't need help that time either! You were just spying on me and that's why you had a romantic dinner all set out to make me forget when we got back!"
Zelgadis closed his eyes quickly so he wouldn't have to see what he knew was coming. But Amelia made it all too clear what happened anyway. "Awwww... Don't they look so CUTE together when they kiss??"
After several long moments during which Zelgadis kept his eyes firmly shut Xelloss broke away and continued, "It certainly worked too... But I still have to teach you a lesson!" He flipped up Filia's skirt and snatched her mace.
Gourry saw this and ducked under the table remembering an encounter with Filia that was too painful to forget, "Are you sure that's a good idea Xelloss?!" SD Gourry yelled in panic.
"EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!! GIVE THAT BACK!!!!!!!" Filia screeched, lunging for Xelloss who teleported safely to the side.
"This is just perfect! We are trying to eat here and we're caught in the middle of the next War of the Races! I'd heard domestic disturbances could get dangerous, but I have a feeling these two belong in a whole new category!" Lina groaned as she rescued a chicken leg from being smashed by an irate dragon.
"Come and get it!" Xelloss teased and then disappeared altogether.
"Just you wait! I'll get it and then I'll get you!" Filia gritted between her teeth before following him into the unknown.
"That was odd...." Lina stared after the departed pair. Then she remembered something much more important. "Gourry! Stop eating all the food!!!"
Zelgadis watched them leave with a sigh of relief. Why did those two make him feel so uncomfortable? Part of it was just that he did not like Xelloss, but there was something more to it. He thought about the way those two fought and pretended to hate each other, yet it was so obvious they were obsessed and loved every minute of it. Zelgadis took another sip of coffee no longer noticing how cold it was as his gaze drifted to Amelia. Was it the same way with them? He certainly hoped it wasn't that obvious that he liked the princess. He peered around the table but Lina and Gourry were far to busy eating to give any sign if they were on to him or not. He glanced back to Amelia and found her looking straight at him. He gasped in surprise and turned to stare at the wall. Damn! Like THAT wasn't obvious! How could he be such an idiot about this? What kind of Sorcerer-Swordsman gets caught playing eye tag with a justice freak princess? Zel stared deep down into his mug for a minute before taking a sip so he could sneak a glance at Amelia over the rim...
"Well that was fun!" Zelgadis jumped and sprayed coffee all over the table when Xelloss appeared right behind him. He could swear the wretched mazoku did that on purpose. But he didn't have long to think about it before a fuming dragon appeared as well.
A wet, fuming dragon.
A wet, fuming dragon who just might have had a g-string and some toilet paper on her head and who was literally shooting flames from her eyes as she glared at the mazoku who still held her mace. She took two quick steps to reach him, snatched back her mace, and proceeded to beat him to a bloody pulp with it "FILTHY, *pound* SNEAKING *pound* NAMAGOMI *pound* MAZOKU!!!!!! *pound* DO *pound* NOT *pound* EVER *pound* TOUCH *pound* MY *pound* MACE *pound* AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!" *pound* *pound* *pound* *pound* Filia paused to push the wet bangs out of her face, plastering the toilet paper further into her hair and knocking what decidedly was a g-string onto the floor. "And, if you ever take me to any of those places again you WILL regret it!" Filia glared as the mazoku picked himself up off the floor and brushed himself off casually.
"What are you referring to, Filia-chan? I thought you liked waterfalls." Xelloss smiled infuriatingly.
"I like looking at them! Not appearing under them! And it's the other places I was referring to!"
"Yare, yare. You were chasing me so fast I didn't have time to think about where I appeared next. It certainly was a surprising coincidence to discover those random places were a men's bathroom, a dragon cuisine restaurant, and a strip club."
"COINCIDENCE!!!! You were planning that, don't think you can fool me!" The pair of them tore off again around the restaurant as Filia destroyed everything in sight besides Xelloss who was just a little too quick to be hit. "That's IT!" Filia stopped abruptly "I know! I'm not going to leave you alone until you apologize!"
"Eh?" Xelloss looked at her, disappointed that she had stopped chasing him. "You're staying? But don't you have to watch Val?"
Filia paused momentarily and then continued, "He hasn't hatched yet, he'll be fine. No one knows where he is besides Jiras and Grabos and they can take good care of him. Besides I can check up on him regularly. Yes! I'll do that! If you want me to leave the only way is to apologize and I'll go back to my pottery. It's better company than you anyway, Namagomi!" Filia declared. But then she glanced wistfully at her other friends and looked like she would really rather stay anyway.
"Well stay then! I'm not apologizing! You were the one who started it all with your incessant snooping! You should be the one to apologize to me." Xelloss turned his back on her stubbornly.
"Ok, then guys," Filia turned excitedly to her other friends, "I guess we're back traveling together again! At least till this rotten piece of trash apologizes."