Author’s notes: Another horribly depressing and cliché story by yours truly. This wonderful poem is written by our resident Dark Angyll, Darian-san. Her original title for the poem was Ode to Anyone who has ever ended a relationship for a completely confusing or absurd reason. (Specifically an ode to my ex) and I’m not going to argue that.^_^;. Oh, and you can mail her to tell her how wonderful she is at Dangyl@aol.com.
**
Say you wanted me for my spirit
Say you wanted me for my pride
Say you wanted me for my rapier wit
Even when its parried aside
" It’s over."
Silence hung over the small, semi-dark room. The sun was low on the horizon outside, the view unobscured by the thick foliage. Today’s sunset was the red kind, the kind that streaked the sky with shades reminiscent of war and blood and pain. The silence hung, mingled with surprise and hurt…and the suddenness of it all.
Declare you loved me for my body
Declare you loved me for my
mind
Declare you loved my eccentricity
Not that I was always fair and
kind
The silence went unbroken for another minute before the male occupant of the room calmly set down his staff and sat down himself, composure completely regained. Patiently, or perhaps agitatedly, she waited for the question.
" Why?"
Tell me how musical my laughter
Or that my philosophies were
wise
Tell me there is no hope for a here after
Or that all of them were
lies
She had prepared an answer, she had so many answers. She wanted to believe that she came to this conclusion, made this announcement, made this decision with her eyes wide open. She believed that she truly had a reason to shatter this happiness. She had answers…reasons, even…
Excuses.
" Tell me why," He said, almost eerie in his calm.Say you adored me for my melancholy
Say you adored me for my
joy
Even you adored me for my folly
But that I was not some careless
child's toy
She had so many answers to that question, yet all of a sudden, she found herself unable to voice them. Accusing voices sound in her head, the part of her that was happy, wanted to be happy…Excuses, that’s what they were…Excuses.
" Is it me?" he asked softly. " Have I made you unhappy? Did I do something wrong?" There was bitter irony to those sweet words, both of them feeling the sting from the seeming innocence of the question. Both of them knew the wrongness of it all.
So many things that he did do wrong. So many things that she did wrong too.
Say you treasured my mystery
Say you treasured my disguise
Say
you treasured all I can be
Or only for the stars within my eyes
" Don’t ask me that," She replied, trying to sound nonchalant. " It’s over, that’s all. I made a mistake, and I want to correct it as soon as I can."
She thought she caught a glimpse of something in his eyes before they closed and the smile was back full force. " Why? You still haven’t answered my question."
Tell me you were lost in my sweet voice
Tell me you were lost in my
poetic word
That you were lost without a choice
Even when I didn't say a
word
She couldn’t look at his face, knowing that she wasn’t really looking at him, when he was smiling like that, like so. That innocent, carefree, annoying…fake smile. The smile that he slammed up every time he didn’t want her to suspect anything. He remained silent, waiting for the answer that she couldn’t give, because she wouldn’t admit it to herself.
" Well?"
She stared down at the cup in her hands, one of the ones that she had made by herself, for her pottery shop. " Because…" She mumbled. " Because you’re not right for me. Because I shouldn’t even have considered it. Because I shouldn’t have taken you up on your offer…just because…" She finished lamely, knowing just how irresponsible those answers (excuses) had been.
Say you were enchanted by my insanity
Say you were enchanted when I
was sane
Enchanted by my soul's symphony
When I made you dance out in the
rain
" So what we had…means nothing to you?" He asked, still with that quiet, calm voice. ‘Had’. Past tense…as if he had already accepted the fact. Had liked, had loved, had been happy. She didn’t know whether to be afraid or confused, for she was expecting a much more hostile reception.
Maybe…he had known?
" I…it…" She stuttered, then fell into hesitant silence. " I…" She started again. " I cared…I still care about you."
" Tell me what that means. If you still care about me, then why?"
Tell me you valued only my talents
That I could read your mind
Tell
me you valued when I was gallant
Or when logic was left far
behind
" I…" She felt so helpless. " I don’t know, it’s just not right." Because you’re the same as I, because I was supposed to hate you, because I shouldn’t have been so stupid as to…
Fall in love.
Tell me I bewitched you with my beauty
Tell me I bewitched you with
my charm
Bewitched you with all the things I can see
And all your guards
disarmed
" Is that all you’re going to say on the matter?" he finally said after the long uncomfortable silence after her outburst. It seemed like silences are very much part of the conversation now. She nodded. " All right then."
" What?"
" You can leave whenever you want." And with that, he stood up and left, leaving her staring confusedly at his back, wondering why tears were trickling down her face.
Was it because it seemed like nothing to him? Was it because he took it with such calm, as if…it didn’t matter? Was it because she feared the worst and felt the shame of having thought so badly of him?
Answers…she had the answers prepared…
Didn’t she?
Say you needed me for my innocence
Say you needed me for my
pain
Just say it in the past tense
Say you needed me, and will not need me
again
The wind eddied the waters of the beach, the surf gently rising to her feet as she walked toward the ocean, feeling the coolness of the tides. She could feel his eyes on her from behind, knowing that if she turned around, she’d see him right there, at the place where forest ended and beach started, leaning against the tree. Watching her with those unreadable eyes of his.
There was a bittersweet feeling in the air, with the last, dying rays of the sun fading out, bathing everything in faint golden light…knowing that those same rays shone on her, outlining her figure against the backdrop of the golden sea. Knowing that he was watching, and perhaps doubting, just like she is. Calling for her to come back, while the ocean called for her to seek out her freedom.
The portal started coming to life beneath her feet, the runes glowing white against the golden grains of sand, the light illuminating the area around her.
Just as it was beginning the teleport, she spun around. He was right where she thought he would be, his black-clad figure almost blending perfectly into the thickly shadowed trees.
" I’m sorry!" She cried. " And I lov-"
The teleportation was completed and she faded from sight, her last words fading as she did, as the sun did.
Night fell.
The same wind that caressed her hair as she had walked this beach now returned whimsically to stir his cape, his hair. The giant wolf beside him looked to the place where she had disappeared, then back to his master. The island seemed lonely now, veiled in the night and worst of all, silent.
The wolf threw back its head and howled, shattering the night with the sound. Soon, other howls sounded all over the island, shutting out silence with its mournful song. The wolf got up and butted his head against the man’s hand, making soft growls.
Almost dazedly, the he sat down and stroked the wolf’s ears, crooning softly to it. The wolf whined quietly and licked at the tears on his face.
" I love you too, Filia." He whispered. " I love you too."
Say you left me for our delusions
Say you left because I treated
you ill
Just don't leave me in this confusion
By saying you had not loved
me, but you love me still.
Author’s end notes: Kyaa! Thank you again, Darian-san ( and if I spelled that wrong, feel free to smack me with Yanagi’s bottle.) People, I would suggest you read the poem, not the fic.^_^;;;