There weren't many comments about the prologue of this, sadly, so 
all I can really do is thank Filia Umbrae and DemonPhoenix9 for their 
nice reviews and hope that they enjoy this chapter as much as they did 
the prologue.
     To those of you who read the prologue and didn't review, _please_ 
review this time!  I've been _very_ busy lately, and the only reason 
this got posted _now_ was because T-sama, my muse, suddenly decided to 
work on it.  I have a college application, and several essays, I should 
have been working on...
     Reviews will certainly encourage me to take more time away from 
them to work on something like this.

     Slayers is the creation of Hajime Kanzanka and Rui Araizumi.  I 
don't own it; they and a lot of other people do.  I'm not making any 
profit off of this story.

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Mr Somewhere
+=== A Slayers Fanfic by Ryo Hoshi
01 +===+ Loose Joints

I don't tell the truth, 
I don't tell lies.
          -- Drugs

     Filia yawned, and tried to roll over.  There was an indescribable 
sound, which she rather arbitrarily labeled a squeak, of protest.  She 
opened her eyes and found herself squinting into a pair of wide-open and
 pleading purple ones.
     She blinked, and then threw Xelloss out of the bed, screaming a lot
 of things that Xelloss did not feel he had done anything to deserve.  
He carefully made sure that he stayed between the angry dragoness and 
her mace, not feeling ready to be hit with it so soon after getting 
elbowed in a particularly _sensitive_ place and then _*thrown*_ out of a
 very nice warm bed, and assessed her condition.  He soon decided that 
there was nothing _really_ wrong with her, which was worrisome in and of
 itself.
     No longer distracted by trying to find some reason for her 
behavior, he realized that she was lecturing him about 'taking advantage
 of an innocent maiden' and he grinned, feeling all too tempted and 
completely justified...  "Filia-san, _you_ pulled me into your bed when 
I came to check on you!"
     "...what?"
     Xelloss posed dramatically, and started overacting to cover his own
 feelings.  "You pulled me, a innocent and virginal mazoku, into your 
bed and had your way with me!"  He had added sniffles where he felt they
 would be most effective.
     "I thought you were an innocent dragon maiden, and that I would be 
safe!"
     Filia blinked, her mind starting to catch up.  "I...raped you...?"
     "I wanted my first time to be special," Xelloss wailed.  There was 
something incredibly feminine about how Xelloss posed, and about how he 
wailed it, and Filia tried not to stare.  This was a bit hard: Xelloss 
was _*still*_ naked, so the pose was at least immodest.
     She ended up watching him pose melodramatically as he continued, 
unable to think of anything _to_ say and finding something fascinating 
about somebody who was quite clearly a man acting so...effeminate.
     "I wanted it to be romantic...  Just me, a pretty blonde, and a 
bottle of champagne on a bearskin rug in front of a roaring fire..."  
Xelloss sighed.  "We'd drink a few glasses of champagne, and then, when 
the time's just right, look deeply into each other's eyes, and..."
     He froze, _looking_ at Filia but not seeming to see her, and 
listening to some sound that Filia couldn't hear.  Then, suddenly, his 
eyes lost the faraway look and he said, "You just wanted me for my body,
 didn't you?"  There was something that was a flash of light but not 
one, and he was dressed.  "I'm leaving!" He walked to where his staff 
lay beside the bed, pausing just beside Filia.  "If you had asked...I 
would have..." he said quietly.  Then his staff was in his hands and he 
teleported out, leaving Filia behind and confused.

     Xelloss knelt before Zelas, and let his irritation show since he 
knew that Zelas would want to know what happened -- and he felt too 
embarrassed about it to simply _tell_ her.  He was a _powerful_ Mazoku, 
only under Shabraningdo's three (the dead two not really counting) 
generals in power!  Golden dragons were supposed to _fear_ him, not 
_rape_ him!
     When Zelas had summoned him, he had been starting to feel a bit 
better, teasing Filia and pretending that he _was_ only pretending to be
 hurt, but...  It _still_ _*hurt*_, deep inside like an aching wound 
except it was _worse_ because it felt like it was permanent.  It felt 
like it would continue to ooze for_ever_ without ever turning into less 
sensitive scar tissue, never even healing a bit...
     "Xelloss-chan?" Zelas asked, in the familiar tone that indicated 
that he was for the moment to consider their relationship to be that of 
a mother and child instead of master and servant.  "What's wrong?"
     "Mother, I went to annoy the Golden Dragon known as Filia, my usual
 hobby, and when I arrived in her bedroom she was sleeping, and having a
 nightmare.  She normally wakes up when I appear in her room, no matter 
how sound asleep she is, and even in when it's very hot she doesn't 
sleep naked, but even though there was snow outside of her house she was
 not only sleeping naked but had thrown off all her sheets..."  He 
paused, mentally working out the least embarrassing way to tell the next
 part.  "I was _only_ looking at her, not having realized how strangely 
she was behaving when she woke up and...  She pulled me into her bed 
and..."  Xelloss blushed, at first because he couldn't bring himself to 
just _say_ it and then blushed even more at the realization that _he_ 
was _*blushing*_.  _I think this must be the most *embarrassing* thing 
that could *ever* happen to me..._
     "Oh.  _Dear_."  Zelas's grin completely negated any sympathy that 
her words might even vaguely imply she might have had for what had 
happened to Xelloss.  "So my little boy's all grown up now...?  I didn't
 think you'd so easily let a nasty Golden Dragon take your virginity..."
     _Oh, Lord, I was wrong.  What did I *do* to deserve *this*?_
     "I think her strange behavior needs to be investigated.  Why don't 
you go and watch her?  I'm sure you'll enjoy getting to spend time with 
your lover..."  Zelas's grin couldn't have been accurately said to have 
grown fangs with that, simply because her fangs had been showing the 
entire time.  However, it certainly _seemed_ to Xelloss that was merely 
a technicality.
     _Lord, *whatever* you're punishing me for, I'm *sorry*!_

     Xelloss looked warily at the sleeping dragon.  He had managed to 
delay his return until after sunset, which he hoped would turn out to 
have been a good idea.  So far, the results had been mixed.
     He had not been _hit_ yet, which was good.
     That was because everything was happening almost _exactly_ like 
they had the night before, which wasn't as good.
     Xelloss carefully placed a hand on Filia's forehead, to see if she 
was sweating because of a fever, when her hand shot out and gripped his 
collar.
     _Oh, *no*,_ Xelloss thought as she yanked him into her bed.  _Not 
*again*!_

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     Xelloss is _technically_ right, in that he was raped: rape is 
non-consentual sexual activity.  Xelloss didn't get a chance _to_ 
consent.  Therefore, what happened was without his consent...  However, 
he's only really complaining because Filia's reaction is delicious 
since, as he said, he _would_ have consented if he had gotten a chance 
to do so.  (I suspect he had been planning on inviting her to that 
bearskin rug on that visit...)

     I've decided to treat as intoxicants for Mazoku certain emotions, 
like lust.  This does work with what is available in English of the 
canon's meager information on Mazoku biochemistry (or whatever passes 
for that)...  From Xelloss's reactions to positive emotion attacks, it 
seems that it is more accurate to say that positive emotions simply 
'taste' absolutely _fowl_ to Mazoku than to say that they _poison_ 
Mazoku.  If positive emotions poison Mazoku, given how badly they effect
 _Xelloss_, who is a powerful example of the race, in NEXT and 
particularly in TRY when they are used against him, then they should 
_destroy_ less powerful Mazoku.
     The odds of this remaining unnoticed would be rather low, so 
positive emotions can't present that kind of danger to Mazoku.  However,
 if they simply taste bad to Mazoku, the effects (and reactions) would 
be roughly the same in all Mazoku.  A few might even develop a taste for
 them -- and be considered to be absolutely out of their minds by the 
rest of the race...
     Anyways, there are also some emotions that are not really positive 
or negative.  The only one that really matters here is lust, which has 
been randomly given the rough equivalent effect on Mazoku that alcohol 
has on humans.  Xelloss's gonna be sleeping it off rather regularly...

     Lord is being used as a general invocation of either L-sama or 
Zelas on Xelloss's part.  Which one of them he _is_ invoking usually 
depends on the context, though sometimes he's invoking both of them and 
other times it's doubtful that even _he_ knows which one he means.